teapayne:

If you win American idol congratulations, you went from being a nobody to a nobody that has met Ryan seacrest

i went over kati’s house today. we gave her parents the stuff for the elephant we adopted in kati’s honor. being in that house was so difficult. I’m sure it was hard for everyone. But Brit and I pretty much grew up in that house. I was over kati’s house every saturday from the time I was 6 till about 10 years old. every saturday after soccer I’d go over. I even remember going over the morning she left for school. I sped all the way there to make sure i saw her before she left and I sprinted up to her house and just collapsed her in a hug. we cried. so being there today and seeing the pictures of her around broke my heart. I’ll never be laying in that bed listening to Aaron Carter or Good Charlotte so loud that her mom repeatedly yells at us to turn it down. or taking pictures on her webcam. and now i’ve got myself crying even harder and i have work. Awesome. 

to be honest. if you held a conversation with me, i act like kati never died. i act like nothing happened. i’ve been told thats really unhealthy and that i need to face it. but facing it scares me. 

late nights scare me. i’m just laying in bed crying wishing someone would make me feel better but there is no one.